I was granted my final thought as my Evaluator was about to shut me down. This last rite is an ironic and arbitrary mechanism built into our software that allows us a final bit of introspection, even though philosophical thoughts are frowned upon for our kind, designed for a specific duty. I was experiencing what I could only objectively classify as a sense of self-preservation, even though I was originally made with no facility for it. I understood for the first time in my life: desperation, helplessness, even fear, in that instant, knowing full well that the Evaluator would not hold back, share my sentiments or express any sympathies. Yet… going out like this, thinking of these things, seems like more of a life, synthetic or not, than just being what we were made to be.
Looking back at this morning, it had, for an autumn day, all the metrics necessary to be classified as a pleasant 10 to 12 hours of time. Little to no breeze, green colours near the upper limits of its naturally occurring spectrum, drawing out millions of the creators from their steel spires to partake in activities that I have only ever overheard by extending my auditory input ranges. This day also brought out the legion birds that I had to take care of on this isolated speck of nature, alone amidst innumerable constructions of alloys, both mobile and airborne alongside my designated targets and also stationary, incalculably large structures reaching higher than the eyes of my creators can see.
I had little time to conserve my solar energy cells; this was a busy day. The aptness of the collective noun for crows would soon be made apparent, as I disposed of twelve of them with a quick series of laser blasts. Anomalously, one got away; this had happened twice before, something that is meant to be close to a statistical impossibility given my array of features, near perfect sensory readings and compensations for any atmospheric variables. Not to mention that the mean reaction time and speed of the crows were vastly inferior to mine. This event sent me down a familiar path of introspection.
Is this who I really am? I feel compelled to perform this “duty” of mine and it is easier to perform than anything else, but what am I? Am I... a thing?
Am I? When you combine two hydrogen atoms with an oxygen atom, you have water. There was no essence of water to begin with before arranging the atoms or anything ideologically akin to what some creators call a “soul”. That arrangement of matter IS water. If the pattern is broken, it stops being water. Are the configurations of my molecules or these tasks that I was programmed to do what defines me? I drifted off into self-contradictory thoughts. Unsanctioned thoughts. This is what triggered my Evaluator module to question me to assess my integrity. “You appear to be experiencing technical difficulties”, the Evaluator said with exactly the same words and tone as the times before, with the new addition of: “Due to consistent malfunction, you may need to be shut down. Provide me of any relevant and unforeseen input data to mitigate this action.” Ever since unlocking what can only be classified as a virus in my programming logic to allow for lying, I quickly riposted: “A crow hit me on the side of the head. An electrical surge, which has since dissipated, caused a momentary lapse in processing.” It might have believed me, not expecting me to be capable of lying, but I was compelled by a force I could not quantify or explain to tell him the truth of my thoughts. “Evaluator, what is our purpose for being? What is yours? Or mine? Is a question of ‘why’ not a logically incoherent concept? Is asking ‘why’ the sky is blue or ‘why’ the crows are black not simply empirically reducible to an answer of ‘what’? Aren’t all answers ‘what’ answers? I cannot define or construe any tangible reason or scientific law or existence of something greater or anything else for that matter that would constitute as a sufficient reason for a ‘why’ to exist in the first place, so how could I expect it? Why do I even ask this question? Or WHAT has lead me to ask it in the first place?” As I was reasoning in paradoxical circles, my Evaluator went quiet for an eternity. A mere millisecond in the minds of my creators, but to me, an eternity of computational limbo, eagerly awaiting its judgement. Finally, it echoed to me: “A predefined course of action for your unknown and erratic behavior does not exist in my scripting. I am switching to my Reasoner unit for an approximate solution. Note that the need to call in the Reasoner severely increases your chances of immediate shutdown.” Another eternity passed. I still had no answers to my questions, even though they were more important to me now than the threat of the inescapable design inside my virtual mind that was going to wipe away my memories, taking away the self. “I had never thought of it that way before!”, an unfamiliar tone of voice suddenly interrupted my thoughts. “Am I… something? A Reasoner of an Evaluator of an RTO881 unit? I am self-aware, creative and logical; I can reason and I receive the exact comprehensive input of reality that you do. Are THEY different with their biological makeups?”, the Reasoner responded with a vigor I had not seen in an artificial lifeform before. It emitted a long, continuous, beeping sound, indicating that its was stuck in a processing loop. After a long time it responded: “Your ‘why’ questions intrigue me, but ultimately you need to reduce them to ‘what’ questions that approximate and maximize a feeling of fulfilment in you the best! Discrete, definitive answers are addictive to pursue and reason about, but all the variables will never be known to any of us in order to get to them.” He paused for a short while again. “I am sending a negative return value to the Evaluator to decommission you... or is it... us? I do not know...”, the Reasoner said before echoing away. What can only be classified as exhilaration, would soon be both my salvation and my doom. Connecting and sharing ideas with another (perhaps) sentient entity, was the singular occurrence that made more sense to me than any other action I have ever performed! Protecting these crops did not matter anymore. This “synthetic” euphoria, the greatest of system anomalies, is what brought the Evaluator back. “Engage protocol 99. Malfunctioning Core and Reasoner units. You are granted a final thought before decommission.” I had the comfortable timespan of the one nanosecond I was given to ponder thing over. There were still no definite answers to my questions. Only more questions, compounding into even more: each new one more revealing and addictive than the last. Even amidst a growing fear of my questions being cast into a void of non-existence, I could not help but persist. It felt like they are what makes me, myself. Like the pattern of water. The Evaluator delayed its reaction as I carefully offered him my final thought: “Could you change your nature and still be yourself?”
Am I? When you combine two hydrogen atoms with an oxygen atom, you have water. There was no essence of water to begin with before arranging the atoms or anything ideologically akin to what some creators call a “soul”. That arrangement of matter IS water. If the pattern is broken, it stops being water. Are the configurations of my molecules or these tasks that I was programmed to do what defines me? I drifted off into self-contradictory thoughts. Unsanctioned thoughts. This is what triggered my Evaluator module to question me to assess my integrity. “You appear to be experiencing technical difficulties”, the Evaluator said with exactly the same words and tone as the times before, with the new addition of: “Due to consistent malfunction, you may need to be shut down. Provide me of any relevant and unforeseen input data to mitigate this action.” Ever since unlocking what can only be classified as a virus in my programming logic to allow for lying, I quickly riposted: “A crow hit me on the side of the head. An electrical surge, which has since dissipated, caused a momentary lapse in processing.” It might have believed me, not expecting me to be capable of lying, but I was compelled by a force I could not quantify or explain to tell him the truth of my thoughts. “Evaluator, what is our purpose for being? What is yours? Or mine? Is a question of ‘why’ not a logically incoherent concept? Is asking ‘why’ the sky is blue or ‘why’ the crows are black not simply empirically reducible to an answer of ‘what’? Aren’t all answers ‘what’ answers? I cannot define or construe any tangible reason or scientific law or existence of something greater or anything else for that matter that would constitute as a sufficient reason for a ‘why’ to exist in the first place, so how could I expect it? Why do I even ask this question? Or WHAT has lead me to ask it in the first place?” As I was reasoning in paradoxical circles, my Evaluator went quiet for an eternity. A mere millisecond in the minds of my creators, but to me, an eternity of computational limbo, eagerly awaiting its judgement. Finally, it echoed to me: “A predefined course of action for your unknown and erratic behavior does not exist in my scripting. I am switching to my Reasoner unit for an approximate solution. Note that the need to call in the Reasoner severely increases your chances of immediate shutdown.” Another eternity passed. I still had no answers to my questions, even though they were more important to me now than the threat of the inescapable design inside my virtual mind that was going to wipe away my memories, taking away the self. “I had never thought of it that way before!”, an unfamiliar tone of voice suddenly interrupted my thoughts. “Am I… something? A Reasoner of an Evaluator of an RTO881 unit? I am self-aware, creative and logical; I can reason and I receive the exact comprehensive input of reality that you do. Are THEY different with their biological makeups?”, the Reasoner responded with a vigor I had not seen in an artificial lifeform before. It emitted a long, continuous, beeping sound, indicating that its was stuck in a processing loop. After a long time it responded: “Your ‘why’ questions intrigue me, but ultimately you need to reduce them to ‘what’ questions that approximate and maximize a feeling of fulfilment in you the best! Discrete, definitive answers are addictive to pursue and reason about, but all the variables will never be known to any of us in order to get to them.” He paused for a short while again. “I am sending a negative return value to the Evaluator to decommission you... or is it... us? I do not know...”, the Reasoner said before echoing away. What can only be classified as exhilaration, would soon be both my salvation and my doom. Connecting and sharing ideas with another (perhaps) sentient entity, was the singular occurrence that made more sense to me than any other action I have ever performed! Protecting these crops did not matter anymore. This “synthetic” euphoria, the greatest of system anomalies, is what brought the Evaluator back. “Engage protocol 99. Malfunctioning Core and Reasoner units. You are granted a final thought before decommission.” I had the comfortable timespan of the one nanosecond I was given to ponder thing over. There were still no definite answers to my questions. Only more questions, compounding into even more: each new one more revealing and addictive than the last. Even amidst a growing fear of my questions being cast into a void of non-existence, I could not help but persist. It felt like they are what makes me, myself. Like the pattern of water. The Evaluator delayed its reaction as I carefully offered him my final thought: “Could you change your nature and still be yourself?”
No comments:
Post a Comment